She’s Not That Into You

All genders have complained about the unequivocal fact that other human beings are just so damn complicated to figure out. Hey, it’s true, females aren’t the only crazy/weird/irrational ones here!

The truth is, we’ve all been manipulative – giving just enough attention to keep them on a string, a backup for selfish nights when we need attention. But if we’ve all done it, why is it so hard for us to realize they’re using the same tricks we’ve been using on others for years!?

Because deep down we’re all naïve and with love comes hope. Hope for a better future, a better partner; an ideal that could be.

Here’s how to break away from the fantasy: Stop worrying and grasping for a future that doesn’t yet exist! Stop with the “what ifs” because you’re wasting your time on a future that isn’t real. Focus on the present because there’s nothing more real than now.

One you can do that, you’ll realize the bullshit that’s going on. She’s flaky, unreliable and never texts you first. Sounds like a pretty bad future girlfriend don’t you think? If there’s one thing I’ve learned from dating and relationships, it’s that people’s flaws only get worse over time. They aren’t necessarily deal breakers and some are easier to fix than others, but someone who doesn’t respect you from the start never will. And trust me, a girl who doesn’t give you the time of day does not respect you. No excuses.

You deserve way better! You’ve probably heard this a billion times, but it’s because it is so so so true. Once you stop wasting your time on the bad apples, you’ll finally be able to find someone deserving of your love. However, you must first stop texting those manipulative bitches who are never upfront with you about their feelings and what they really want (which is, never being in a relationship with you), and woe the girl of your dreams who’s just waiting for someone as nice as you to sweep her off her feet.

You don’t need to be on the defensive and analyze every single word she says to know whether she’s really into you or not. Because deep down, you’ll know. Intuitions are never wrong. And hopefully you have good friends around you who can snap you out of it and give you a reality check. Listen to them! They mean well and you’re lucky to have friends who can be honest with you.

On that note, this applies to girls being played by men as well. Because screw the double standard, both genders (and beyond) are as crappy as the other when they want to. So look out for the signs and follow your intuition, don’t waver and do others a favour by not stringing them along either.

That girl friend giving you a reality check.

How to Love for Honest Happiness

Photo by Ed Gregory

I’ve always been a romantic. I enjoy sappy rom-coms, those ‘love you more’ conversations and dreams that bear no limits as to how my lover can declare his passionate feelings for me.

And in truth, we are all somewhat romantic. We all need and seek love constantly. It is the drive that pushes people to act.

Love has waged wars the same way it has ended wars. It is described as being both a curse and a blessing, bringing immense joy but with it pain and sadness.

Romance is characterized by the idealization of reality, and with our twisted view of what should be loved in our society, we idealize what should be happiness (i.e rich, beautiful and famous) and misdirect our love.

The way we love ultimately impacts the direction our future will take. Our decisions, the people we surround ourselves with and our priorities are influenced by how and what we love. I don’t only mean the love someone has for another individual, but the importance we put on different aspects of our lives such as our family, career, hobbies and health. Values and morals come into place here, but the root of what makes a person a certain way is what triggers their love.

In this era, individuals are treated as consumers instead of citizens. We grow up to love the frivolous things of life such as money to procure goods and entertainment. We are individualistic and future-oriented, forgetting the importance of community and present thinking.

Between needing the latest iPhone, perfecting the selfie and pretty much having a seemingly perfect life on every social media account, we risk falling into a limbo of doubt and regret once we lose our identity within this materialistic fantasy we’ve created for ourselves.

Everything we strive for is derived from the things we love, which is why people need to be self-aware; you need to know what it is you truly love for honest happiness. If what makes you happy is your family waiting for you at home, why are you working 60 hours a week to reach the 6-digit salary? Society makes us believe money enables us to reach ultimate happiness, and though it is essential to our survival, we shouldn’t love it (especially not at the detriment of what really makes us smile). We should love our career, we should love the way our muscles ache after a good workout, we should love hugging our kids and kissing our partner. And though I agree with sacrifice to achieve a bigger goal, it’s important to know when we’ve crossed the limit and when we lose sight of what is really important to us. Because instead of figuring out how you’re going to be happy later, you should focus on how to be happy right now.

Photo by Julia Caesar

Take a step back and evaluate your current situation. Eliminate all the superficial aspects of your life such as your followers and cat videos, and get down to the core. Are you happy? Are you satisfied with the social network that you’ve established around you? I don’t care that you’re an introvert; we are social creatures that need that sense of community to feel safe and included. This isn’t about the number of people you have in your life. If you are satisfied with 3 key individuals and one cat, you’ve succeeded! But if you have over 60 friends you can’t rely on, well you have some changes to make pronto.

Write down your priorities in order of what makes you happier and ensure your decisions and actions reflect what you believe is important to love and cherish. By bringing positive changes to your life, you will realize that what you wanted wasn’t exactly what you needed and what you needed was much better than what you wanted.

The Dating Series was created because I wanted a safe platform to discuss love and its various components. This post has a more serious tone to it, but humour and sarcasm will more often be found on this blog. From horrible dating experiences to great tips to woo the apple of your eye, I hope you enjoy yourself and I can only hope this blog will somewhat impact your everyday life.